The do’s and don’ts on your first date.

Before I settled on this topic, I had to hold lengthy discussions with my friends of both genders just to verify what was in my mind and theirs too, such topics you handle them with great  care to avoid connecting the wrong dots since it is part and parcel of our lives. Something amazing is that during my years of research around the clock I have come to conclude that most of these mistakes occur mostly in Africa with Kenya leading in east Africa and overall it is number fifteen in this black continent, can you imagine? No, it can never be, but to be precise it seems a majority of us participate in making Kenya have that ranking.

1.       Late arrival; most of us don’t keep time when it comes to meeting for a date. This one happens mostly with the ladies, many ladies arrive at their date venue late and confused. The confusion comes in since you are late and have called lying to the man to add you a few minutes which finally turns into hours and hours of waiting. If this is avoided we can build a good atmosphere of your first meeting since no one is thinking bad of the other, though in Africa being late is a culture we can live with. To ladies being late is a mere mistake that doesn’t deserve any punishment, but if a man decides to keep her for that same period she kept him waiting, that man is irresponsible and un loving.

2.       Going with your friends for a date; It is so uncomfortable going to meet your date accompanied by your friends don’t you think? This a behavior that is dominated by our ladies, to my little knowledge I think you go to meet someone for you to bond in both talking and thinking, and actually when it  is just two of you ,you have an avenue to critically analyze this person before you since there isn’t any interruptions from your friends. Please note this; during this time of recession no man will be happy to pay bills that were not in his budget schedule, this applies to ladies too. Please avoid this to ensure that neither of you thinks negative of the other.

3.       Eating like you only went to eat; rarely does this happen but, you need not concentrate too much on food as if it was your main agenda of the meeting. It is better you focus on your conversation, bonding and mainly on finding out if this man or lady is the right person for you rather than realizing how delicious the food is.

4.       Ordering expensive foods; some people orders foods they can’t pay for. What would happen if that person you thought was to pay disappears somewhere through the back door .It is a swell idea to order food which you can pay for, because you never know. There is this man who left a lady in a restaurant because he expected a more beautiful lady than she turned out to be, he excused himself for a short call and there he disappeared. It is always wise to have what you can afford.

5.       Never bring a topic about your ex.; This applies to both ladies and gentlemen, some things are better kept to yourself not unless questions about them are brought on the table which is obvious. Just like when you purchasing a car you would want to know who the owner was whether it was doing taxi or just a personal. It also happens to us human beings we are so curious to know how your ex was, his tribe and so forth. What I normally advise guys is that talk about it but with a lot of caution, this may bring you predicaments if not well handled though if the love is binding it doesn’t cause any harm.

6.       Be open enough, sex topics shouldn’t scare you off; some disagree with me, thinking it’s so hard to talk about sex on your first meeting, I call this crap. Any topic is discussable on your first meeting unless it’s a topic about a cult. It is very important to know how open your man or lady is, for this reason you can know right away how to start treating her or him. I talked about sex and how long it should be. If you didn’t read that article please go through in the archives.

7.       Do text before a first date. In my research 65% of people agree that they’d feel more comfortable on a first date if they had exchanged texts beforehand. Keep pre-date communication light and fun. Ask about his or her favorite bands, movies, and places to hang out, and then use the info to kick start conversation when you’re sitting across the table.

8.       Never pretend too much; you know the problem with pretending? It won’t last long, your pretence will be noticed very easily, I advice guys to avoid living a fantasy life, live your life and you will always enjoy. No one’s life is perfect, even Jesus Christ never had a good life throughout; it has to go up and down.

9.       Marriage topic; this one goes to ladies, I have warned ladies many a times that not all men you are dating will marry you, some of this men are just but teaching you  on how you will treat and stay with your man, sorry to say that. Men don’t like that topic of marriage not because they fear responsibilities and commitment, it is very obvious that this man doesn’t even know you well and you are there already talking about marriage. BUT if the man himself brings that topic, please make yourself comfortable and share your thoughts because you never know…..

NB: Every relationship is unique. It takes what it takes to work. If you want it to work, you have to work it. No shortcuts. No 50/50 deals.
 It's not your job to fix your mate, and it's not his or her job to fix you. Take the relationship and what your mate says at face value and stop reading into it, what you'd like to hear. We can work with what's real. It's impossible to deal with what's not real.

I believe if the above facts are put in practice we can have a very wonderful life in our relationships.

Men reason with their center bolt.

Today I am picking a topic which will make some of my friends either concur with me or differ with me, but all the same I have to be independent regardless of which side the weight lies .I have taken into consideration  all the accusations  that have been hauled on me by our ladies accusing me of being biased and hating on them, I want to make the record clear that I am an independent  person as well as of sound mind  and above all  I am human, for that reason I wouldn’t want to pick a bone with any of the genders  in question.

I have s scenario which can very explicitly demonstrate how women are so intelligent and with the power of intextiority  ( an extra sense in ladies that makes them have good judgment)can handle sensitive situations than their so called ‘Lions ‘ men .This scenario I am about to give has emanated from experience I have had as a man, stories  from friends, daily newspapers, magazines both local and foreign. In a nut shell, which I am about to crack - ladies have credibility when it comes to thinking however,at the same time, not all women are ladies.

Imagine a man walking into a lady’s room, say a friend or better still a fiancé to his own friend, then the lady practically starts  stripping in front of this man. I know your  guess  is as well as mine, this man here has  only two un-avoidable options, yes you all know  its logical. One of the options is this man will have to make his tools ready for work and then make use of them given what to work on. This actually reminds me of ‘’the man of the people’’ set book those of you who happened to read this book, there is a saying that goes - no sensible person  can spit a morsel  that  is put in his mouth by fortune.

The man in question will be pleased and pleasured to enjoy all that he is offered without thinking about the following;

1. Whose girlfriend is she?

2. What about his own girlfriend?

3. Using protection?

4. What will be the aftermath?

All this combined and you will agree with me that to some extent we men should be on the fore front telling people of the world that we are the weaker sex. I think on the other hand some men will argue that this isn’t enough to pin them down. Researchers say that majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day. Only about one-quarter of women report this level of frequency. As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often. So could this be one of the reasons why we don’t weigh situations especially in such scenarios as described above?

In a comprehensive survey of studies comparing male and female sex drives, Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, found that men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies

That was to a man, now let us take this other scenario

Picture a lady walking into a man’s room, a man she knows very well ,this might be her friend- note this is not her lover,  just a friend, might as well be a friend to her lover. Then this man starts striping in front of this lady.

Wait! this time your guess is not as mine. This lady according to me and by the way I am very right on this,  at least 60% , she will think the following at glance

1.That the man is setting up a trap to brag to her boy friend (lover) - which in the first place the man did    not think of.

2. That if she agrees to go on and get it on, the man will take her to be an easy girl.

3. That the man wants to infect her with disease.

4. The lady would think of how much she loves her boyfriend and she doesn’t want to betray her trust and loyalty to the man.

5.The lady will think of their friendship with the man who is doing this, that if she does anything funny with this man then their long time friendship will come to an end.

In fact this lady here will be startled; she might even think the man is going mad or something. Depending on the lady’s  integrity ,she may want to talk about the situation, others will bang the door and leave you there with your tools of work ready yet there is no work.If the former happens and this lady wants to talk to you about it, that is a much better situation as you can come up with something witty to clear the air and perform damage control. However if she just rushes, you are certain to have a damaged reputation.

Now do you understand why I strongly say that women always make good judgement, making decisions which stand on solid ground unlike us men who take a lot of risks and make our judgements based on unknown sources, a hunch and many other irrational ideas. I am not saying that all men or women would behave as I have described, what matters  is we co-exist with our fellow human beings and have healthy relationships.