Nine Sex Drive Killers.Courtesy shine.yahoo.com

 I fully concur with the writer of the following article, i came across it on my daily relationship research and i felt it was wise for me to share this with my readers.The writer has just explained all the facts more or less way i would have done in my compiled research.Read this and where necessary please work on it.
   If you're experiencing a decrease in libido, you are not alone. For most people, sex drive is like a roller coaster -- one minute it's up, the next, it's down. A drop or decrease in sex drive is usually caused by changes in lifestyle or is a side effect of taking certain medication. Here, we've compiled a list of the most common reasons (and remedies) for your sex drive's decline. You may even be able to correct the situation with a few simple lifestyle changes.
Sex Drive/Desire vs. Sexual Arousal
There's a big difference between sexual desire and physical arousal: Desire (or libido) refers to your interest in sex, while arousal refers to your body's physical response, such as vaginal lubrication or the ability to have an erection. People with higher libidos often experience an easier time getting aroused; while, conversely, if your sex drive has gone down, you may have a more difficult time with some of the physical aspects of arousal. By increasing your sex drive, your body should respond with an increase in arousal. If it does not, speak to your health care provider.
1. Life
As we take on more adult responsibilities, the strong desire for sex that we experienced in our youth often takes a huge nosedive. Between work, kids, friendships, school, hobbies, volunteer work, homemaking, and exercise, there just doesn't seem to be time for sex. When we do get a minute of free time, often the last thing we want to do is spend it in an amorous cuddle. Watching TV, reading a good book, or stealing a few extra minutes of sleep can seem so much more gratifying. It's not that we don't want to have sex, it has just become a low priority.
Sex, however, is an important part of an adult relationship. Just as we need to make time for ourselves, we also need to make time for our partners. Scheduling sex into your calendar may make you giggle, but if that's what it takes -- do it! Designate a night or two a week to spend quality romantic time with your partner. Make a game of it: Take turns bringing something new to the bedroom, such as a sex toy, illustrated book, video, or technique. By planning ahead, you're making a commitment to yourself, your partner and the relationship, a commitment you'll keep -- just as you'd keep a meeting you scheduled with your best friend, your child's teacher, or a business associate.
2. Stress, Fear, and Anxiety
When we're experiencing stress, fear, or anxiety, sex is usually the last thing on our minds. Work dilemmas, relationship woes, family issues, and money problems can be devastating to our libidos: It's hard to feel sexy when you're worried about the mortgage payment. Fear and anxiety associated with sex itself can also be problematic. We often worry about everything from STDs to fear of pregnancy to sexual performance, all the while dampening our sex drives and hampering our chances to have a satisfying sexual experience.
The first step to putting stress, fear, and anxiety in their places is to ensure that your body is healthy. Eat a balanced diet, drink plenty of water, sleep at least eight hours a night, exercise regularly, and practice relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga. If you won't do it for your general health, do it for your sex life! You should also strengthen your mind: Spend time doing things that are good for you, such as reading, talking to your friends, kids and partner, and writing in a journal. With a healthy body and mind, you're much better equipped to keep your problems from intruding in the bedroom. If you've tried these techniques and still feel that anxiety and fear are damaging your libido, it may be time to see a professional. If you are comfortable with the idea, try talking to a sex therapist. Otherwise a psychologist, life coach or marriage counselor can help you feel better and enjoy sex more.
3. Boredom
Although many people's relationship goals include settling down in a monogamous relationship, familiarity can be a big sex-drive killer. After 20 years together, it's perfectly normal to feel bored or uninspired by your mate. By that time, you've pretty much done it all . . . and have ruled out or forgotten about anything else you haven't tried. Even couples who have been dating for only a few months can get into a sexual rut: After the first flush of puppy love has worn off, many people find themselves having missionary position sex on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays -- not that there's anything wrong with that schedule, but a little spontaneity never hurt anyone!

4. Relationship Problems
Unresolved conflict or unexpressed anger can definitely put a damper on desire, as can negative feelings, secrets, or emotional upset. As you carry around negative feelings about your partner, your level of attraction for that person can wane dramatically, sometimes never to return. Whether it be something simple, such as lack of appropriate hygiene, or something more complex, such as infidelity, you need to deal with it before you can feel sexual again with your partner.
As any therapist or self-help book will tell you, communication is the key to any relationship. If you don't talk through your problems with your partner, they'll grow and fester until they explode into real conflict. If talking to one another doesn't work, talk to a therapist: Couples therapy is becoming more and more common. If that doesn't work, see a sex therapist -- the problem could have deeper roots than you're aware of. If you're still having problems, it might be time to say good-bye. It's sad, but you have to face reality: Sex is an important part of your life and your relationship. It's essential that you enjoy it.
5. Body Issues
Everyone hates some aspect of his or her body: jiggly thighs, curved penis, small breasts, fat belly, or hairy back. The reality, however, is that to have good feelings about sex, you have to have good feelings about your body. While no one is 100 percent satisfied with the way they look, many of us have learned to live with it. If you haven't, you might need to take some action.

Whenever you find yourself having a negative thought about your body, try to back it up with a positive thought about yourself. For example, if you're obsessing on your extra roll of belly fat, stop yourself and force yourself to admit that you have really great eyes or incredibly soft, sensuous skin. Once you begin to feel a little sexy -- no matter what you look like -- your sex drive will improve. However, if you're carrying an unhealthy amount of weight, try to develop and stick to a weight control program. Get some help if you need to: a fitness counselor, nutritionist, or doctor can be a great source of support and inspiration. If you're dealing with another body issue, see a psychologist or family therapist. You need to overcome your body issues and learn to love yourself for who you are, warts and all. Only then will you be able to have a really satisfying sex life.

6. Aging
Age is responsible for many unwelcome changes in our bodies: loss of bone mass, susceptibility to illness, painful joints, gray hair, decreased appetite, incontinence, sleep disorder, wrinkles, sagging flesh . . . and yes, decreased sexual desire. Menopause and decreased testosterone production are the main reasons for the decrease, but fear, anxiety, and depression about aging can also affect your sex drive.
If you're female and going through menopause, it's important that you understand the changes taking place in your body. In some cases, seeing a doctor about medical treatment for the physical changes can help make sex more enjoyable. Estrogen, in a variety of forms, increases the flow of blood to the vagina and increases arousal, which may positively affect desire. Hormone therapy that includes low-dose androgens has been shown to be particularly effective at increasing low desire. Also, don't forget that something as simple as using extra lubricant can be remarkably effective if you're experiencing the common side-effect of vaginal dryness.
If you are male, decreased levels of testosterone may be affecting your level of sexual desire. Talk to a therapist or doctor about your alternatives. Your doctor may prescribe testosterone, but the dosage must be carefully monitored, as too much of the hormone can cause depression and other side effects. In addition, it is not clear how safe it is to take the hormone for a long period of time. Alternatively, Viagra(r) might be good option. Regardless, you need to speak to your doctor first.

7. Sexual Abuse
Victims of sexual assault or abuse often have a difficult time experiencing physical intimacy. It's no wonder: We're encouraged to take time to let our bodies and minds heal, but little attention is paid to our sexuality. Don't despair -- many people have been able to have healthy sexual relationships even after a sexual assault; with counseling, time, and patience, you can be one of them. Do take as much time as you need. Don't let anyone (including yourself) pressure you into becoming intimate again until you're ready.
8. Medication
A common side effect of birth control pills (specifically combined oral contraceptives) is diminished sexual desire: Decreased androgen production or lowered testosterone levels can cause some women to experience a lowered sex drive and less vaginal lubrication. In addition, mood stabilizers, tranquilizers, high blood pressure pills, and other medications have been shown to decrease levels of sexual desire and arousal. Even if you have a medical condition that is completely unrelated to your libido, your sex drive can still suffer: Many common medications adversely affect your level of sexual desire or arousal. Talk to your doctor when taking any new medication. If your doctor thinks it may affect your sex life, he or she might be able to suggest an alternative.
Depression has become a frighteningly common diagnosis over the last few decades. If you're feeling down and can't seem to shake it, you may have depression. While there are many wonderful resources for people with depression, the best thing to do is see a doctor as soon as possible. In addition to making you listless, drowsy, sad, angry, upset and emotional, depression can have a profound effect on your sex life -- as many as 75 percent of people with depression report a loss of sex drive. Ironically, the very drugs used to treat depression (MAOIs, SSRIs and tricyclics, among others), can also cause sexual dysfunction, such as delay in orgasm, inability to orgasm or ejaculation and erection impairment. Any of these conditions can have an adverse affect on your level of desire.
Until recently, the only remedies were to reduce your dosage, change your medication, take a holiday from your antidepressants, or take a medical antidote, which can cause further difficulties. However, some doctors think that taking Viagra® may help people who are using antidepressants. Or you might try ginkgo biloba, which is thought to help with lack of desire related to taking Paxil and other antidepressants. Recent studies have shown the antidepressant Wellbutrin to be effective in combating reduced sexual desire, so you might consider switching antidepressants if your doctor says it's OK. If you notice a drop in your sexual desire around the time you start a new medication, talk to your doctor to see if there is a connection. Just remember: Do not stop taking any medication without talking to your doctor first.

9. Medical Dysfunction
Most people are familiar with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and female sexual desire disorder, but did you know that loss of libido can be related to a thyroid condition? Hormone deficiency can also be the culprit, especially in older people. A metabolic disorder -- anything that adversely affects your metabolism (including an eating disorder, accident, trauma, or illness) will almost undoubtedly cause some lack of sexual desire. And, did you know that one in five American women have hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), more commonly referred to as low sex drive? The point is, if you've ruled out all other possibilities for your decreased libido, see a doctor. You could very well have an easily remedied medical condition.
What is Normal?
If you're frustrated about your lack of sexual appetite, try to go easy on yourself. Everyone's body is different. There is no "normal" level of sex drive. Your personal sense of normality is defined by how you feel about your sexuality and whether or not you're happy with how you are expressing it. If you're one of the lucky people who is perfectly comfortable with his or her sexuality, congratulate yourself. If you're like the millions of others who feels they could use a little boost, explore the remedies we've suggested. But don't hold out for a miracle . . . while some of these recommendations have worked for many people, there's no guarantee they will work for you. Be patient. For a temporary solution, go solo with a sex toy or two, and eat a piece of chocolate. Haven't you heard? It's an aphrodisiac.

2 lives we live.

Whichever life you live make sure you don't violate the rules, regulations and obligations of the other life.If you never knew we live 2 lives, the societal kind of living and our own kind of living which at all times go hand in hand and at some points you live one at a time, wait i don't mean that you die dah,what i mean hear is that we all tend to conform to the societal way of living to fit in the society. society would expect all of us to behave in accordance to societal norms that's to say we go to school, have good and big houses big cars have a family with moral uprightness, yah thats living to societal life expectations, if i asked some of you what kind of life they would want to live most of you would prefer our own way of living to societal one since if it were me i wouldn't have gone to school especially college i would have asked for that money and now i would be having more than ten years experience in my business, but since the society wants you to go to the university and grade you as learned and responsible one has to go even if its against his/her own wish. some of you would have chosen to drop school in primary or high school level but since your parents looks at other children in the neighborhood on their performance and everything they had to impact the same in you.In the same regard i bet some of you wouldn't have gotten married, some marry to impress society and thats the worst part of it.Its better a times we live our own life and camouflage it with the societal way of live just to make sure you remain in the flow.Coming back to my point i would like to urge our super ladies to come out of this closet of societal norms and live their lives a times.some of our African ladies live more of the societal life and even forget their own kind of living, everything you want to explore with them they tell you its bad ,to me killing is the worst thing one should shun away,(and maybe conning someone or stealing but most of these vices are never in the bedroom) anything in the bedroom that is doable do it never ask because you will never learn.Its societal norm that a man supposed to approach a girl in Africa but if you feel a man please go for him never wait because fortune never waits you have to grab that opportunity no matter what-that is the reason i like some of the go getters of our Nairobi city Kenya girls.If you loose that opportunity it never comes someone will have him and you will be singing that to your inner person forever.These things of staying so smart may make you loose a lot. I am very sure some ladies in Kenya will be happy to marry but they wonder how that would happen just because its against our societal norm. What the ****. try live 40% of your life and i assure you full time enjoyment.Ladies wake up men enjoy this freedom in spite the fact that societal norms are followed, the good thing is that no one monitors your own life closely otherwise you would have heard wonders.Thank you.

Love and Money.

What happend to the women of our fathers days? thats what i ask myself whenever i listen to one of the most popular radio station here in kenya. Women of these days will never at any time love you(man)with  empty pockets.It is becoming harder and harder to evaluate whether the same woman you share the bed with loved you for the sake of love or because you had to lubricate or rather grees her highway to you using your job tittle  or let me reffer to this as Big Cheque Girls.(BCG). Whatever the case the end point for a man is getting what he wants in her whether its for life or for some benefits.I would like to make this once and for all, that women of this error believe and love money, and this therefore means to me that money can buy anything unlike our fathers days when sayings ''like money cant buy love'' were regularly used. I bet these days its used for the sake of it but not for the real meaning.Ladies you know what? men have now started dancing  to your tune , men know you want people with money so they will lie to you what supposed to be there dream jobs , houses and cars or better still a man can go rent a car -i hear nowdays a range rover sport is akiller car, it gets you(a man) a super model sophistcated and eloquent girl husle free.I think you are desagreeying with me but you see some sense in this.ladies let us be original ,thats us and its the only way forwad i hear they say that they start by loving a mans' wallet, car ,house and then her love to him begins, its nowdays not those days and when i say those days reffer to your father's hey days.Amen.